Saturday, October 29, 2005

Worst 5 Song Mixtape

Why didn't we think of this (oh yeah, it was the drugs):

2 roommates made a bet that they could come up with the absolute worst 5 song mixtape. The loser had to walk around town blasting all 10 songs on a boombox. "Impartial" roommate #3 was the judge.

"Worst Mixtape Video"

Here are my 5 choices for the worst mixtape (in no specific order):

5. That Venga Boys song (It's called "Up And Down." If you don't think you know it, google it and you will realize that you've heard it a million times and want to get violent)
4. Electric Slide/Macarena ( I grouped them together because neither deserves it's own number and even though they are very different, they are interchangeable.)
3. Phil Collins "Sussudio" (It makes me gag just writing the name of the song)
2. "It's Raining Men" by the Weathergirls (If I never hear this song again for the rest of my life... fuck, I don't have to even finish my sentence, you know the rest)
1. Whitney Houston "Greatest Love Of All" (Cheesiest, most insincere song ever written by a woman that is so obviously talking down to her listeners, that I'm surprised she can get through the song without laughing.)

Honorable mentions:
Right Said Fred "I'm Too Sexy
Winger "Seventeen"
Gloria Gaynor"I will Survive"

There is so much bad music out there, What is your worst 5 song mixtape?

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Just Crazy!

when hell froze
Originally uploaded by Caulrophobic.
Here are some Pink Floyd stats that I found interesting:

This is the breakdown of single album sales increases, after the Live 8 reunion (where they, incidentally, only played 4 songs):

Pink Floyd - The Wall - up 3600%
Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here - up 2000%
Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon - up 1400%
Pink Floyd - Animals - up 1000%
Pink Floyd - Echoes: The Best of Pink Floyd - up 600%

I mean DAMN!

Oh yeah, of course all of the extra royalties were donated to charity, cause The Floyd is good like that.

Sunday, October 23, 2005


1 day and 2 nights in London.

It was so nice to return to London, especially after depressing Berlin. Spent yesterday afternoon sitting in Watleys Pub, knocking back pints. It was the 1st time I've ever gone out drinking by myself (D wasn't feeling well). It was actually very refreshing to not have to make conversation, just drink and think. Music was on, but too low to hear what was playing. Horseracing was on TV with the sound muted. It was a real quiet pub with very few patrons, perfect. After a few thousand pints, I stumbled out of Watley's and attempted to walk back to my hotel. London is big, really fucking big and unbelievably confusing. There isn't the simple big city grid. I wandered winding, angled streets using nothing but drunken instinct to make it back. I failed miserably, but it was really fun trying. I wandered around for about an hour and a half until I gave up and hopped in a cab. Turns out that I was kind of close but going the wrong way.

Today D and I woke up early and walked around West Minster, Piccadilly, and Camden. West Minster and Piccadilly are really New York-like; big chain stores, coffee houses, Hard Rock Cafes and such. Camden is my favorite place to hang out in London. It's like a mixture of Queen Street (in Toronto), Melrose (in LA), and Clark/Belmont (in Chicago), but with more of a cyber-hippy vibe. Lots of cool shops with stuff that doesn't exist in Americaland. Then I ditched D and went to the British museum for a few hours. The hightlight of the museum was the amazing Egyptian collection. Tons of mummies, tombs and artifacts. So fucking cool. The other really cool thing that I saw was an art installation called "Cradle To The Grave." It featured 2 separate 42 foot long (by about 5 feet wide) black mesh sheets with more than 14,000 prescription tablets and capsules, representing the drugs that typical people take in their lifetimes, sewed into it. The method (not the subject matter) was very Milk Girl-esque (but she would have chosen a cooler fabric). I am tempted to make sarcastic joke about the amount of meds in our apartment vs the amount of pills in the exhibit, but I won't (actually, I guess I just kinda did ;-). Prolly gunna chill out tonight and ready myself for the long flight home.

I come home tomorrow and I'm ready. I miss The Grrl and find myself in that familiar position all too often.

-Bloody Wanker

Friday, October 21, 2005

It's Always Midnight In My Liver

I'm all fucking twisted up.

I woke up at like 3:00 am Berlin time, watched movies, read, and fucked around until like 7:00 am (10:00 pm LA time). Then I went on a fucking early morning bender. I packed up all the booze in my room and went to D's room where we drank everything in both of our mini-bars till 11:00 am. I passed out at around noon. Now it's 8:00 pm Berlin time, I'm awake and a bit of a trainwreck. I don't like Berlin at all, but I feel fortunate that I got the opportunity to come to that conclusion by experiencing it. Maybe I should wake up D and drag him out to a pub or dinner or something. Why does drinking more seem like the best solution? Oh yeah, because in this case it is indeed the best solution.

Tomorrow we go to London and I can't fucking wait.
Oh yeah, Fuck Hasselhoff!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Camouflage Sideburns On An Invisible Clown

There is something comforting about walking around the center of a big city where no one is speaking English. All agoraphobia disappears. I feel invisible. I feel invincible. I feel like a secret agent.

So upon closer inspection, I've come to find that Berlin has no soul. No character. Due to its grim history, most of the city was completely leveled, ruined. Then, within the past 40 years or so it was rebuilt. So what is here is a modern-ish Toronto-like (The Esplanade meets Younge street with more department stores) downtown area surrounded by cheap high-rise apartments. I think that if I had more interest in world history, I'd probably find points of interest and be humbled by their intensity. The truth is that I am only interested in seeing awe-inspiring and/or surreal sights and partying like a complete dickhead. Today will contain neither of these things. Nothing awe-inspiring was encountered today due to work. We went to the convention and met with every company there. We were like machines and packed 2 days worth of dealings into one day. No partying will take place this evening due to the fact that it's like 6:00 pm here and I am so jet-lagged that I am gunna crash as soon as I am done writing this.

Which is now.

Good night, errr evening, errr morning. Fuck, whatever.
-Agent R

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

The Mighty German Butthole

I guess my 1st instinct is to convert the unknown into a nice convenient package and wrap it in a bow; Berlin looks like Toronto.

We just got here, and yeah I've been on a 24 hour drink and pill traveling bender, but it fucking looks like the T Dot. It's like 9:30 pm here and I am completely out of it. I'm starving but the thought of food seems so disgusting, I'm exhausted but so excited to be here that I won't be able to sleep without pharmaceutical aide.

Our hotel is really nice. I have an espresso maker in my room. What more does one need? The answer to that question is: softer toilet paper! I'm not asking for nice American cottony softness, just maybe 800 grit sandpaper rather then the 50 grit that is supplied. Not to put too fine a point (grit) on it but; Babywipes it is. Enough of my ass-holier-then-thou-ness.

Strangely enough, we ran into Amanda (who used to work for Python) during our plane change in London. She was also on her way to Berlin for the same convention. I've always liked her, so it was fun to see a familiar face in Europe.

Anyway, tomorrow is all business, then we'll do some touristy stuff.
I'm gunna take off. I hope all is well with everyone.

-Der Richtenstein

Monday, October 17, 2005

Geee... Double-ya

Originally uploaded by Caulrophobic.
Whut up fuckers!

As you can see from the pic, Mr. Orange Pants is doin fine. He is flea-less, shaved, and on the mend (damn his head looks big). His belly feels like velvet. Touch it! Touch it!

My new sideburns and I are off to Berlin tomorrow. I'll be sure ot pack my yarmulke and my anti-semite spray (it's really just kosher pepper spray).

Anyway, much to do before I take off. Talk to ya next week. I am out.


Thursday, October 13, 2005

Dolla Dolla Bill Ya'll

Originally uploaded by Caulrophobic.
$45 thousand dollars and an eggo waffle on my counter.

The thing about Hollywood is that anything is possible. If you need a 40 foot foam bagel, there is a place that will rent it to you. If you need to rent the hideous plastic furniture from that one episode of Happy Days, you can. If you want to rent $45,000 worth of movie-quality prop money, it's there waiting for you. As you can see it looks really fucking real. It's a tiny bit smaller then real money (unnoticeable until u put a real bill in the stack) and the paper feels NOTHING like the real thing. Because it looks so real, the prop company makes you sign it out and tracks everything, because when it is in your hands all you can think about are fool-proof schemes to turn it into real cash.

Incidentally the stack cost $45 dollars per week and large stacks of money make everyone very uncomfortable.


Tuesday, October 11, 2005


Originally uploaded by Caulrophobic.
I was sitting here and all of a sudden he popped into my mind. I saw him many years ago at Poplar Creek Music Theater. I looked him up on the internet. He was an older dude back then, so now he's older older (click the link and enlarge the photo). I don't think that I would recognize him if I saw him in person. Most people probably don't. Matt probably will. I don't know who the woman posing with him is.
Anyone wish to guess the mystery rocker?

G-Dub Drama

George came back from the vet's flea bath and something was wrong with him. He was really lethargic (even for him), wasn't eating, and had balance problems. Took him back to the vet yesterday (mon), and they said that he had a bad ear infection. The real problem was that he was dehydrated and not eating, not good for an old man. We checked him into the hospital where they could administer fluids and do bloodwork. Went to visit him this morning and he seemed pissed-off but healthy. The Vet said that the bloodtests came back ok, and that he ate some food last night. Hopefully he'll remain stable and I'll get to take him home tonight. *deep breath*

It's rough when your children get sick, especially when they can't vocalize what exactly is wrong. All the fucker can say is, "MEOW." Well... Meow indeed.


Saturday, October 08, 2005

It's Insanity-Flavored.

#1. George must be a good host because the fleas can't stay away.
I am pretty much an expert now, so I barely even blinked. I didn't even lock the pets out of the bedroom. It did ruin my Saturday and it cost a few hundred more dollars (I think my total flea bill so far is in the $800 or $900 range). Interestingly enough, Crispin didn't get fleas. So once again G-dub had a professional bath and a fresh lion cut (Anna will prolly put the pics up on her blog). Crispin just got a bath (no haircut necessary). Bug poison is in the air and everything is back to normal. *Sigh*

#2. Icn bin ein Berliner.
Oy Vey, the Jewish pornographers are going to Germany. There is an important convention going on there in about a week and 1/2 and we're going. It will be a 6 day trip and we will be back just in time for Halloween. I'm really excited! I love Europe and I love traveling. Anyone have any suggestions for shit to do in Berlin?

#3. THC Butter.
I made rice crispy treats that were ok (should have used more butter). Any good gluten-free recipes that you wish to share would be greatly appreciated. Strangely enough, that was the 1st time that I've ever made Rice Crispy Treats. I can't believe that it's only 3 ingredients and requires no baking. Fucking amazing.

#4. Tits on Santa Monica Blvd.
Eating lunch outside at this cafe on Santa Monica Blvd (the same cafe where Neeto and I saw Alice Cooper). This short, dark-skinned woman walks by without a shirt. Her pendulous tits swaying with every step. The woman gave me the crazy eye as she passed. She was obviously fucked out of her head and wouldn't be surprised if she made the news for fighting with cops as they attempted to apprehend her. No we are not in Canada anymore where women fought for and won the "right" to walk around topless. In the US, publicly topless women are either in the sex industry or just crazy. Anytime I tell a Los Angeles native (Los Angelino) about any freak sighting (such as the tits on Santa Monica) they have the same reply; "Welcome to Hollyweird."

Have a flea-less weekend

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

A Shout Out!

A shout-out to me from Aretha Franklin and The Onion. It's about time my humble blog got some recognition!

Click the link and scroll down to the bottom of the page.
Click Me

Tuesday, October 04, 2005


Every once in a while a Hasidic Hippy Reggae singer/toaster/beatboxer comes out of the woodwork and makes my inner Heeb all warm and shit. Matisyahu is just that guy. You have to see it to really get the full experience.

Here is his video:

Oddly enough he'll be at Lee's Palace in the T-diggity on the 28th of OCT. Bet his shows are, at the very least, interesting. His website is, of course,, if you want to investigate further.

AWWWW yeah!

Sunday, October 02, 2005

I'm Not Angry At You, Trent and Josh. I'm Just Disappointed.

Concert review #72653
Artist(s): Autolux,Queens Of The Stoneage, and Nine Inch Nails
Place: Hollywood Bowl

Out of the 3 bands playing, I wanted to see Autolux the most. Autolux features Greg Edwards from Failure/Replicants/Lusk. Some day very soon one of the guys from Failure are going to put a band together that will be so good that it will change popular (and not so popular) music. It will compel everyone that hears it to start a band. It will happen.
Anyway... What happens when u try to jam 500 people through a entrance that is made for only 1 person at a time? The answer to this question is the same answer to the question; "How did I miss Autolux?" So, yeah.

I forgot that they were going to be there. I was really excited when I found out. What a cool bonus!
When you have enough "music Cred" to compile a supergroup for every one of your studio releases, and you are playing in your "hometown*" which happens to be LA, your live show should be tight and exciting. Which "A list" celeb or musician fan could show up and play bass? Guitar? Guest vocals? Hello...Anyone...?
QOTSA were so fucking boring. Don't get me wrong, Josh Homme is great. Love his guitar playing, singing, and songwriting. His band sucked and all just kinda stood there. The drummer was really off throughout the whole performance, so it ruined a bunch of their songs. Perhaps they would be better in a smaller venue (and if the drummer bought himself a fucking metronome and some drum lessons). In all fairness maybe he was having technical problems or couldn't hear the monitors, but when tickets are hundreds of dollars a piece, there is no excuse for such an unprofessional display.

A 5 piece band of guys that look like a better-looking version of Trent from each album. The Pretty Hate Machine Trent played Guitar. He had more energy then all of NIN and QOTSA put together. That dude was the only one on stage that looked like he wanted to be there and he was the best part of the night! The other Trents did their jobs just fine. They were as tight as the CD. The main Trent sang his sad songs with as much aggression as he could muster. But at 45 years old (or whatever), can those songs still have the same meaning as they did when he was 26? It seemed a little forced. In the middle of the show a huge movie screen came down between the stage and the audience. They projected all sorts of obvious and unimaginative images while the band all got their hair and make-up done or whatever. When you are selling out stadiums, money is not an obstacle. Your stage show should be as important as your make-up and hair. It's part of the art, it didn't seem like he respected that (see Iron Maiden, U2, Madonna, Michael fucking Jackson, Pink Floyd, and anyone else that sells out fucking stadiums, jackass). They played all the songs that you wanted to hear and, thankfully, we left before the obligatory Head Like A Hole encore.

I know it seems like this was all negative and horrible but it wasn't really like that. I was reviewing the concert not how much fun I had. Really, I managed to have a great time watching all of these disasters. Our seats were god damn spectacular (practically front row center), I never had less then 2 beers in my hand at all times, and even a bad live rock show is better then no live rock show (I'm that kind of music geek).

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