Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Best Video Ever

ab·surd (ob-sûrd, -zûrd)
1. Ridiculously incongruous or unreasonable. See Synonyms at "foolish"
2. Karkis

Monday, November 28, 2005

Pumpkin Spice Latte AEnema!

Thanksgiving weekend came and went. The Grrl and pug left for Toronto. Now it's me, George, and my new best friend; World Of Warcraft (Warcrack). So yeah, if my posts are scarce, blame Warcraft. Now watch from afar as my life falls apart due to my addiction to this neverending video game.

Some stuffs:
Our old buddy isn't lazy, he's an actor. His movie is called "Sleeping Dogs Lie." Here he is in all his splendor:

More stuffs:
It's uncanny, mine looks exactly like this:
mr head

Last Stuffs:
Here's a cool link for a website that sells medical fetish toys. It's rather impressive for a sextoy store. Dig it:
Click Me

Hope u all had a good holiday and long-ass weekend (if applicable, Canadians)

-Richard Head

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Reach Out And Touch Faith

There is something about a sell-out crowd of 20,000 people with their hands in the air reaching out to touch faith that gives me chills. The truth is that they were most likely reaching out to touch Dave Gahan, who is probably the sexiest man in music.

Yeah, I saw Depeche Mode last night. I've never seen them live before. I was never a huge fan but always respected them and their songwriting skills. They are the most immaculate live band I've ever seen. Their sound was perfect, their mix was perfect, their stage show was perfect, and their setlist was pretty fuckin close to perfect.
The songs that Martin Gore sang were so intense that I though he was going to cry. His voice fluttered with such emotion, it was captivating. Dave Gahan has the kind of ultra-charismatic presence that can turn 20,000 individual people into 1 large mass of energy. If he would have told the crowd to kill, there would have been a slaughter. Luckily he just told the crowd to clap a lot and sing a lot. That they did.

setlist (from what I can remember):
Everything counts
Personal Jesus
Just cant get enough
never let me down
Enjoy the silence
policy of truth
and a bunch of newer songs that I don't know the names of

If they come to your town, go check them out! For Real!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Godspeed You Black Emperor

Quick review:

Godspeed You Black Emperor "Shake Your Skinny Fists Like Antenna to Heaven"


How did these guys escape me? If you havn't heard them, here's my super quick review;

They sound like what would happen If Pink Floyd were to do their version of Peter Gabriel's Passion.
Their music feels good on my skin. *sigh*

Dig it!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Random Spewage

Got an advance copy of the new System Of A Down album (yeah, I'm 1337 like that!). It sounds exactly like their last 2 albums. So if you like their complex flavor of Armenian Twat Metal, then you'll love "Hypnotize".

Check out this Ducttape Wallet. You can buy it here for $10 plus S&H, or steal the idea and make a cooler one yourself for just the price of a roll of tape, you lazy, uncreative fuck.

And god dammit, when is the last time you listened to "Too Fast For Love?" Matt prolly did so this past weekend. What's the rest of your excuses? Did u know it's more metal then anything that you have been listening to in it's place? Did u know that it sounds just as punk rock as much of the "respected" oldschool punk, and a thousand times more punk rock then all of the asshalfs that occupy and monopolize the airwaves? I wanna make 100000 copies of this CD and litter LA with them. People will find them, listen to them, and punch themselves in the throat for forgetting how cool that Cd really is!

So, at all webmaster events there is a photographer that takes pics. The Playboy party was no different. Too bad the only pic of me looks like I was practicing for a dicksucking contest. What the fuck?


Sunday, November 20, 2005

Some Grotto Pics



Saturday, November 19, 2005

The Mansion Party Review

Most rich, famous, and decadent people get money, fame, and decadence as a byproduct of talent. That is to say, for example, if all pro basketball players or pro musicians made only $80,000 a year with little recognition, there would still be pro basketball and music. What if your talent is being rich, famous, and decadent?

Hugh Fucking Hefner.

Here is the breakdown of last night's overwhelming spectacle:

The party was thrown to celebrate playboys new online focus. Most of the people who were invited were "important" in the adult online realm. All invited guests had to meet at a hotel by Universal Studios to check in and get our special Playboy wrist bands. There were some security issues with mansion, so they un-authorized all limos and private cars and made everyone take crazy Playboy shuttle busses. Probably the world record for the most multi-millionaires on shuttle busses. Everyone was so grateful for the opportunity to hang at the mansion, the bitching about it was minimal.

The drive through Beverly Hills felt strangely similar to being next in line for the front seat of a rollercoaster.

As soon as we stopped in front of a dark gate with a black-suited, earpiece-wearing guard, the whole bus went silent. After being granted entry, we slowly idled up the winding driveway. The grounds were lush with foliage, and yellow caution signs along the driveway read, "Caution: Watch for Wildlife" and "Playmates At Play." We passed another checkpoint and was let off the bus. We were then escorted into the back yard area.

Last night I started calling the Playboy Mansion "the great equalizer," because that fucking place humbled every single person there. Even the wealthiest, too-cool-for-school-est massive company owners walked around dumbstruck with their mouths agape.

I'll describe the highlights and lowlights in more of a list-form, so as not to drag this post on forever;

-That man has a real fucking zoo in his yard. I've always known he has some monkeys and stuff, but it's a full zoo. It takes 40 people to run just his zoo.
-He has an aviary that is in a different part of the property from the zoo. He has Toucans and a shitload of talking birds.
-the grounds were just immaculate! It looked like a parody of an excessively manicured unnatural paradise. I wouldn't be surprised if every tree and flower was imported from somewhere far away and replanted in Hef's yard (there's a metaphor there somewhere).
-Naked Playmates in the massive C-shaped pool.
-The grottto is amazing! 4 or 5 huge hottubs in a cave!
- We had access to 2 separate party areas that looked like huge clubs; The 1st one was around the pool and could comfortably accommodate 400 people or so (that's where most people hung out). The other area was in a huge tent that had a stage with an 80's hip-hop cover band, and a bunch of couches. I'll bet the tent could have over well over 1000 people in it.
-There were only about 400 people there, so it was a chilled out atmosphere with lots of space to breathe
-3 different bars with over 15 bartenders, so no waiting for drinks.
-20 waiters walking around all night with delicious Hors D'oeuvres and amazing deserts.

The only lowlight (other then having to leave) was the fact that Hef didn't show up. I don't blame him for second.

That's the story. Hopefully next time I'll remember to bring my bolt cutters and snag me a monkey.

-Playmate of the Year

Friday, November 18, 2005

Party At The Mansion!!!

Going to a party at Hugh Hefner's house tonight!

I am extremely excited that I get to experience this surreal, cartoon-like event, hopefully the 1st of many at The Mansion.

Top 5 ways to get myself banned from the mansion for life:

5. Greco-roman wrestle Hef (and pin him with a double chicken wing)
4. Write the word "balls" on the ceiling in gold spraypaint.
3. Liberate the aviary, then shoot them like skeet.
2. Sneak my own violent monkey into the monkey cage to administer beat-downs to the Playboy monkeys (then break into the obligatory masturbation and shit-throwing frenzy)
1. Shit the Grotto

I'm leaning towards 1. I'd better bring a travel pack of babywipes just in case.

I'll let y'all know how it went.

-Miss November

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Coolest Link Ever (well.. today).

Warning: This link contains nudity (but no sex or anything)

Click Me

Good Question Mr. Cockrock

The question:
"When is the new film gonna be done??? I'm anxious. -cockrock"

The answer:
I'm fucking anxious too! The filming is done. Unfortunately, greenscreen postproduction work is tedious. We should have an edited version sometime next week (hopefully), then we will "attach it" to different backgrounds which we will both film and create graphically. I will put some scenes online when they are completed. I'll email interested parties the secret links, because I don't want them floating around the interweb.

My question for you, my depraved friends, is what kinds of backgrounds do u want to see girls fucking in front of? I have plenty of ideas, but now is the time to get your requests in.


Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Doodie Bomb

Sometimes I'll do a google search for something moronic and the results are usually 1000000 times more moronic then the original search.

Case in point: "Doodie Bomb"

When I searched the words "doodie bomb" I got a website called The Fartmart. It has all of your fart-humor needs including all sorts of rubber turds. The handsome turd in the pic is called "The Log."

the log

Perhaps one day I won't have the sense of humor of an 8 year old, but till then it's rubber shit and penis jokes.

-Dick (heee I said, "dick")

Monday, November 14, 2005

The I Buzz


It's a vibrator that plugs into your ipod and vibrates to the rhythm of whatever music that you are listening to. Fucking brilliant! Ya know, they just don't make "respectable" vibrators for men. They only make disgusting "realistic" vaginas modeled after the gaping holes of porn stars. Lovely. Someone needs to make a "dignified" male masturbatory aide. The closest thing is the Fleshlight, if you can call fucking a flashlight with a vaginal opening, "dignified." Perhaps when Orgasm puts some money into R and D (that's research and development, not Rick and Damian), I'll come up with a solution to this social injustice. Until then, go fuck a warm cantaloupe with a hole in it. Yumm!


Sunday, November 13, 2005

I Wish The Blood Dripping From My Ears Was Louder

I usually don't think I'm a music snob. I love meeting people with more musical knowledge and more eclectic musical taste then myself. I also love turning people on to music that they've never heard before. Normally those 2 things separate music geekary from music snobbery. The only time I really feel like a music snob is when my neighbors blast their horrible brainless music-to-murder-by. To be fair, any one or 2 of the songs being blasted is fine when it stands alone (or in a pair). I mean, everyone has guilty pleasures, but this is a full setlist of songs that sound like they coming from a compilation CD called "Christian-Friendly Popular Adult Contemporary Love Songs From 1986." And they are fucking LOUD. They are being blasted and echoing throughout the apartment. Here are the songs so far; Michael J and Paul McCartney "The girl is mine", Brian Adams, "Everything I do", Some Celine Dion Song, a Gloria Estafan song, some mainstream cuntry love song. Goddammit It seems like it will go on and on.
Honestly, how can people be happy in that world? None of the video channels cater to that type of music, and neither does radio. It kinda sounds like a Doctor's office radio station. Maybe my neighbor is a doctor and is addicted to that shit. Dickhead!

I would normally fight this by putting on some metal; Dillenger Escape Plan, Unearth, Lamb of God, Fuckin Slayer, something obnoxious. However, Anna is sleeping and I am a considerate boyfriend (usually).

Either way, I wanna put my ipod in a sock and beat the motherfucker with it. Fuck!


Thursday, November 10, 2005


This little diggy is kinda fun, it calculates your lifetime drinking statistics, including # of drinks you have ingested and amount of money you have spent on boozes. It is kinda skewed because it doesn't take into account lifestyle changes. I think most degenerates go through different phases where they are complete drunken assholes and then they mellow out a for a while (aka get a girlfriend/boyfriend, DUI, liver transplant, etc..).

Anyway here is the link:


I said that I go out and drink 2x a week and drink 6 beers a night which has been untrue for the past couple of years, but I think it may average out to be correct-ish (if not modest) considering my past decadence.
# of drinks consumed: 9352
$ spent on drinks: $37,408
would fill 27 bathtubs

pls post your results

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

He Is The Law

fifteen years in the academy,
He was like no cadet they'd ever seen.
A man so hard, his veins bleed ice,
And when he speaks he never says if twice.
They call him Chuck, his last name is Norris,
So break the law, and you wind up dead.
Truth and justice are what he's fighting for,
Norris the man, he is the law.
Chuck IT!

With gun and bike he rules the streets,
And every perp he meets will taste defeat.
Not even Death can overcome his might,
Cause Chuck Norris won the fight.
When the Sov's started the Apocalypse war,
Mega-City was bombed to the floor.
Norris resisted, Chuck fought back,
Crushed the Sov's with a counter-attack.
Chuck IT!

Respect the badge - he earned it with his blood.
Fear the gun - your sentence may be death because...
And you won't fuck around no more - I AM THE LAW!
I judge the rich, I judge the poor - I AM THE LAW!
Commit a crime I'll lock the door - I AM THE LAW!
Because in Mega-City... I AM THE LAW!

In the cursed earth where mutants dwell,
There is no law, just a living hell.
Anarchy and chaos as the blood runs red,
But this would change if it was up to Chuck.
The book of law is the bible to him,
And any crime committed is a sin.
He keeps the peace with his law-giver,
Judge, jury, and executioner.
Chuck IT!

Monday, November 07, 2005

15 Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Sumo Pornstars

Here is Samantha Sumo:


and Celeste Sumo:


Isn't amazing how hot women look when they are dressed up like obese wrestlers? Errr... maybe it's just me. Perhaps I've said too much.


Saturday, November 05, 2005

A Carnival Of Pornography

The 3rd and final day of our 1st production was finished yesterday. I'd hate to give any of the complicated plot twists away, but day 3 consisted of; ham spankings, Starwars tributes, candy penetration, strap-on dildos on foreheads, strawberry Jell-o baths, Sumo wrestling (with carnival-quality padded sumo suits), Rabbi porn, magic vomit tricks, Abe Lincoln nods, fisting, foxy boxing, tit speadbagging, claustrophobia, head injury, and catering.

I guess that marks my directorial debut. Now we start the editing/post-production work. We have hundreds of gigs of HD footage, which amounts to about 4 or 5 hours of video. That 4-5 hours will be edited down to less then an hour, and then I'll send a demo copy to all interested parties (yes that means you, if you are, in fact, interested).

Now I have to come up with more ideas so we can begin this process again. Ideally, we will do 12-14 more productions before 2007, but we'll see.

I took some funny pics of models in Sumo suits and Rabbi gear (it's so hot). I'll post them later.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Fist Like An Egyptian

Originally uploaded by Caulrophobic.
Took this pic at the British Museum (hee hee, the BM). It's an authentic big ass Egyptian stone fist. Ya know all the hot and sexy Egyptian fisting movies that you see online? They are all based on this prototype! I read in the museum guide that it takes 7 1/2 gallons of lube to completely cover it. Of course, back in 1350 BC they didn't have conventional lube. They had to use a water/yak-saliva mixture and devout prayer.

Unfortunately, he camera ran out of juice before I could take pics of 30 foot marble anal beads.

Have a lovely day,

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Stupid Fuckhole!

Stupid 1000 delicious apple martinis
Stupid used-to-have-party-stamina-now-ima-lightweight-pussy
Stupid cigarette smoking when I'm drinking
Stupid loud and disgusting oral martini ejection process
Stupid almost-shit-my-pants-while-puking drunk idiot

I try to concentrate on work but when I do, I forget to concentrate on not drooling and not becoming incontinent.
The letters on the hollywood sign keep changing places and spelling out secret messages;
OLD HO OWLY, DOW HOLY LO!" What does it all mean?


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