Saturday, December 31, 2005

Santa's Booty

N-E-G-L-E-C-T, blog out what it means to me, sockittomesockittomesockittomesockittome...

First, here's a handsome pic of me eating Xmas fudge:

Toronto was great! The Xmas party was the best one so far (thanks to Min_o). This was the closest thing to a real, chillout vacation that I've had in a longass time. Unfortunately, due to family obligations and the winter immobility of the Grrl, the time snuck past before we to hang with Datura, Min_o, or Jason H. We'll go out and play next time.

Santa brought this Heeby bastard lots of cool new Japanese Vinyl toys! So fucking cool! This place is literally running out of flat surfaces to put toys on. Gotta get some new shelves!
Here's some of the highlights:

The Gary Baseman Qee:
mr baseman

The Opera Dude ( I got both a blk and a wht one)

The Bearbrick Ibear. It's hard to see in this pic, but it its back half is silver and it holds my ipod. So wicked!

What cool stuff did u guys get from Santa?

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Yeah Yeah Yeah

Blah blah blog neglect bullshit and all that.

Hope Santa brought all of you nice kiddies oral sex for Xmas this year.

Me? I got back from my 2 week trip to Toronto last night. I have some pics, stories, and hilariously witty anticdotes for your asses tomorrow. Tonight is all about me and my new ipod.


Thursday, December 22, 2005

Guessing Game

1. 2 people that I know got married. Guess who?

2. Someone that I know apprehended a mugger after he stole $200 from a 77 year old woman in a wheelchair. Try and guess who?

3. Someone that I know got his anal glands expressed today. Who could it be?

4. Someone that I know bought almost 2 grand worth of hard drugs today. Who do u think that is?

5. Someone that I know is hooking me up with a bunch of late 60's early 70's live Pink Floyd soundboard bootlegs. Who would be so kind?

6. Someone that I know looks really hot with her new haircut. Wonder who?

7. Someone that we know may get laid due to a blog compliment. ;-)

Good night!

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Fucking Pulsar!

When I was really young, one of my favorite toys was an action figure called, "Pulsar." He was this 14 inch He-man looking motherfucker with white hair. He came dressed in a tough black and red 70's "futuristic" track suit. The thing that sepreated Pulsar from the rest of the action figures was that his chest was made out of clear plastic, and you can see all of his internal organs (kinda like the "Visible Man/Woman" models). However, the coolest part about my man Pulsar was the button on his back. When u pushed the button, you would see blood pumping to all of his internal organs. Fucking cool!

I also had his Docking station the "Life Systems Center" which was pretty lame even back then. Out of respect to Pulsar I think I'll avoid making a joke about the name "Life System Center" or about the fact that it looks like bondage equipment.

What cool obscure toys do u remember from your childhood?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Stuff + Cats = Awesome

At the dawn of time a bunch of people seeking easily conciliable gay porn invented the internet. 4 minutes later a picture of a squirrel with huge photoshopped testicles appeared in everyones email. 5 1/2 minutes later some dude from japan started posting pics of his rabbit with pancakes on his head. The world laughed. Then, for several years, nothing interesting happened.

Now, like 1000 volts of electric candy-coated awesome, I give you stuff on my cat .com.


PS. I hate when people try to out "1337" each other (1337 is geek-speak for leet = elite = better then everyone, if you didn't know), so if you have seen this link before then I'll concede in advance; you are much better at the internet then I am. Suck it!

I'm My Own Tv Show

Was going to lunch the other day and saw this oddity sitting in an empty parking lot. It is about 7 feet tall and about 10 feet wide, made completely out of concrete (or a concrete-like substance) . If you can't tell, it is supposed to be a talk show set. There is an opening on the left so you can walk inside and either sit in the host's chair or sit on the guest sofa. I did both.
This place never ceases to amaze me.

Monday, December 12, 2005

11 Below Zero

11 fucking below fucking zero in Toronto! 11! What the fuck.

3 dog walks a day for 14 days comes out to.... uhhh...

*gets calculator*
*types in numbers*
*fucks it up like 3 times*
*curses for being too stupid for basic math*
*throws calculator in frustration*

...a fucking hell of a lot of fucking cold-ass walks!
See you in T

That is all.


Friday, December 09, 2005

The Velvet Teen

For those of you that care (which, if you knew better you would), The Velvet Teen are finally coming out with a new album in the spring of 06. If you haven't listened to their last album; "Elysium" you should get right on that, it's goddamn beautiful! Here's a link. Download the song "Caspian Can Wait."

Judah Nagler (The Velvet Teen's singer) does guest vocals on this song by a band called Intramural. It's kinda Radioheady, but still pretty cool. I like it better when he uses more of his intense, almost angelic, vocal range on The Velvet Teen songs, so don't judge him on this guest appearance.

Have a fudge-dipped weekend.

The Jews VS. Santa

Felt really weird to take a picture with Santa outdoors in a mall in December!

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Skin is so resilient, so accommodating. It has almost unlimited potential for growth. A person would die of obesity-related complications before their skin would stop covering them. Old people's skin is even more fascinating. I've grown up with a best friend that was, at times, obsessed with drawing old men. It literally illustrated how much character, how much wisdom, and how much loss is attached to every liver-spotted age line. Some day, if I don't die in some porn-related accident, I'll be old and intense looking, we all will.
Check this link; it contains some amazing artistic nudes of extremely old women:

I guess it's weird to view something so inevitable as being so alien.

-Jack Handy

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

A Love Song For Coffee

"The Coffee Song"
Originally By Frank Sinatra, covered by Soul Coughing.

Way down among Brazilians
Coffee beans grow by the billions
So they've got to find those extra cups to fill
They've got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil

You can't get cherry soda
'Cause they've got to fill that quota
And the way things are I'll bet they never will
They've got a zillion tons of coffee in Brazil

No tea or tomato juice
You'll see no potato juice
The planters down in Santos all say no no no

The politician's daughter
Was accused of drinking water
And was fined a great big fifty dollar bill
They've got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil

You date a girl and find out later
She smells just like a percolator
Her perfume was made right on the grill
Why they could percolate the ocean in Brazil

And when their ham and eggs need savor
Coffee ketchup gives 'em flavor
Coffee pickles way outsell the dill
Why, they put coffee in the coffee in Brazil

So your lead to the local color
Serving coffee with a cruller
Dunking doesn't take a lot of skill
They've got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil

The line, "they put coffee in the coffee in Brazil" makes me giggle every time. Yeah, It's been a Soul Coughing day.

Monday, December 05, 2005

How I Spent My Weekend In Chicago

1. Made some metal with Shawn, Jon, and Cannabis Joe. I sang and played drums. I can't really do either, but that didn't fucking stop me.
2. Drove in a snow storm. Goddamn it was cold and shitty!
3. Ate a hotdog (2nd time eating meat in like 15 years).
4. Flew on an airplane with Scott Ian from Anthrax.
5. Said "goodbye" to the home that I grew up in (my mom is moving next week).
6. Went through my mom's basement and found all sorts of treasures.

Here are just a few of the treasures:
Conspiracy battle of the bands flyer (made by Rich Schulien)
Albatross band pic, autographed, but not personalized
My heavy metal gutair pick collection (row 1 Lord Tracy, row 2 Pantera, row 3 Fates Warning, row 4 Lizzy Borden)
2 Chicago Rocker magazines from april 93 and sept 92 with the following pages in them:
shocknroll april 1993
A Pubes The Clown shrinky dink necklace
pubes necklace

More to come later.

Thursday, December 01, 2005


Fuck Christmas music in it's eggnog-scented ass!

It's the same 7 songs constantly redone by unoriginal dickheads that want to make some extra cash off of peoples' fear of death (aka Religion).
They have it piped in throughout our building. It's in the hallway, in the lobby, in the elevator, and in the fucking bathroom. The country version of jingle bells, the jazz version of frosty, and some unrocking version of jingle bell rock. That song doesn't fucking rock, it never rocked.

Now, don't mistake me for a Xmas-hating heeb. Hanukah music is actually much worse, however it is rarely played in public places (for a reason).

It's time for recording artists to come up with some new material for the holidays.

Oh and excuse my ignorance, but what's the deal with "Xmas?" Is it the 2 lines of the "X" = cross = Christ thing or is there some secret anti-semitic bible reason? And if that's the case, how come they just don't call Jesus; "X" or "Mr. X?"

I'll be in Chicago this weekend helping my Mom pack. I'll prolly talk to y'all when I get back.


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