Monday, January 30, 2006

New Possible Haircut

Getting bored with my hairstyle. What do u guys think of this:

Fidelcut

Sunday, January 29, 2006

In Keeping With The Theme

Fri night we went to some big club. Some of the people from our Toronto office were in town. Ed is in town. Ed had his "I *Heart* Midgets" T-shirt on. As we approached the door, we saw that there were 2 Little People entering the club. They were the really really little Little People; like 2 1/2 feet and 3 1/2 respectively. Once inside, Damian and I found them in the bathroom. They are both actors (who isn't in this town), and D got their cards. Later that eve, after drinking for a few hours, Ed and I decided that due to the uncanny luck that he is wearing the Midget T-shirt, he needs a picture of himself and the wee folk. We seek them out, which is a difficult task in a busy dance club. Finally, using our Midget Radar (Smalldar? Radget? Dwadar?) we locate them. We walk up to the taller one. I ask if he'll take a pic with Ed. He looks at Ed, looks at his shirt, and says, in the most angry nasally voice I've ever heard, "NUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHO!"

I spent the next 2 hours at club hugging Ed, trying to keep us both from breaking down into tears.

-R

Thursday, January 26, 2006

The Uplifting Jolt Of Midgetry

We shot the pornographies. The Dwarf was amazing. Life is complete.

lil elvis

leatherman

oompa

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Holy Shitballs!

Everyone's favorite Canadian accountant/bass player (just so u know Geddy Lee failed his accounting courses) got himself a little gig as the opening act for a sold out Bon Jovi show at the Air Canada Center next Tues! Jason H and his band The Luminols will get to play for twenty-fucking-thousand of their closest friends. Can't put into words how fucking happy and proud I am of Jason. His band is really good and is sure to win over the Bon Jovi crowd. Can't wait to see the pics and hear all about it.

-Rik

Friday, January 20, 2006

The Hedgehog

How did I get to a place in my life where I see Ron Jeremy more then I see my own mother?

I leave my office, hop into the elevator on it's way down it stops at floor 3, Ron Jeremy gets in. He says hi to me, I introduce myself. We talk about porn as we walk to the parking garage. He gives me his card and tells me to call if we want him to be in our productions. I see him everywhere. I think he loves me and is stalking me. Mark my words; He will be my new best friend within a year. "No sorry, I cant hang out, R.J. and I are eating grilled cheese and playing XBOX. Maybe another time."

That is all.
-R

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Oh where do I begin...?

Right. I'll begin like this;

So we've decided that we need midgets for our next production (which is scheduled for next tues). Wee Man from Jackass' agent said that he won't do it. Mini Me's agent didn't call us back yet. Both of those actors are SAG (screen actors guild) actors anyway, meaning that they are union and would be massively expensive if they would even agree to do something in the adult realm (which they won't).

So where do u find midgets in Hollywood? Rent A Midget of course.
We've booked Little Jon and maybe Don. Yeah... so it gets even more ridiculous; they come with a bunch of costume options including oompa loompa, and Elvis. Plus, and here's the really weird shit, each has their own special talent. Little Jon (whose 4'4") can jump up, kick himself in the head with both feet at the same time and land on his feet! Don (whose a towering 4'7")can bench press full-sized humans up to like 300 lbs!

So, my friends, it's time for requests. What costume would u want to see a midget wearing and what would you like to see him doing in that costume? The Little People won't interact sexually with the models, but they can interact. So, you have 2 naked pornstars and 2 costumed midgets, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

-R

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Busted!

This wholesome clown only barely looks like he wants to touch your penis.

Monday, January 16, 2006

In The Meantime

The Warcraft server is down for maintenance, so I can do a few other things such as go to the bathroom and post on my blog.
Not too much has been going on since Vegas, but here's a short catch-up:

A. Wrote our next porn production. Bought $400 worth of sextoys. Had various meetings about which models will star in it and what they will wear. It is going to be a fetish-themed girl/girl diggity; all dark and leather and vinyl and corsets and big blk shiny boots. We are going to rent all these wicked bondage contraptions. The shoot will NOT involve S and M, because I don't want to have ANYTHING to do with anything even remotely close to violent sex (even if it's consensual and the models love it and get off on it), it will just look fetishy.

B. Our last production is still in limbo due to video editor staffing difficulties.

C. The Chumscrubber just came out on DVD. Check this movie out, it's really good.

D. Survivorman. No, it's not a show about the vocalist that sang "eye of the tiger". It's a show on the Discovery channel where they drop this dude (The Survivor Man) in the middle of nowhere with no supplies and 50 lbs of camera equipment. Then they come back and rescue him a week later. It's the most hardcore nature show ever! Survivorman is like Mcgyver + Mr. Wizard + Rambo. Fuck that Crocodile guy.

E. I accidentally deleted over 150 gigs of music that I've been collecting over the course of 4 years. It hurts when that Karma boomerang comes around and nails me in the sack.


Got an 1/8th of meth, a 1/4 of purple kush, a gang of hash, 2 jugs of bathtub gin, and a bag of pills. Gunna celebrate MLK's birthday the way he would have if he was still with us.

-R

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Vegas Part Deux

You never hear of anyone talking about "Biotics" or "Pro-biotics," just Anti-Biotics. Yeah so I'm feeling a lot better today. I'm thinking that this will be my last day being sick.

Here are the remaining highlights of my Vegas trip:

Saw Mike Tyson in this empty club that we stopped to get a quick drink in. He left when I kept giving him dirty looks. Pussy.

The P-funk show!!! Goddamn they are just spectacular! I feel so fortunate that I got to see this legend in such an intimate setting. "Tight" doesn't describe just how ON they were. They sound like they have been playing together for 40 years (yeah, I know, that's cause they have). There were way too many musicians to fit on the modest stage. I would say, that there were about 30-35 people rotating in and out of the stage show. They were various ages from late 20's to late 60's, dressed in various levels of ridiculousness. We were one of the sponsors of the party, so that allowed us to get extremely close to the funk. My face still hurts from smiling.

Got to taste a $175 shot of cognac which was bottled in the 20's. It tasted like paint thinner.

Left Vegas at about 4 am Sunday, because that is supposed to be the busiest traveling day of the year and we wanted to beat the rush. Got home at 9 am and haven't felt the same since.

that's it
-R

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Now Accepting Lung Donations

I'm so sick that it hurts to breathe. They call it "Convention Flu" but I feel like I ate the jagged metal Crusty-O. I have much to tell about the convention that I'll post when I feel better (Anna has some wicked pics of P-funk and the Player's Ball, so bug her about them).

Hope all is well in blogland.
-R *cough cough* ick

Friday, January 06, 2006

A Short "Hello"

"What happens to the pile of dead hookers in our hotel bathroom in Vegas, stays in Vegas!"


The Vegas trip so far (in list form):

1. Like Waldo, Ron Jeremy can be found in the background of every situation!
2. $60 continental breakfast.
3. Met a girl that is cruelly torturing guys with a concept called; "Penis Punked." So far 3 guys have been punked.
4. That older bald tattooed muscular guy with the vagina.
5. The Star Trek museum
6. A 6 foot tall man in an elaborate Klingon costume hit on The Grrl, in character no less.
7. Laughing at the 2+ hour Taxi lines, because we brought the limo
8. Met some clown porn producers. Got some clown porn.
9. Every club dj plays these bad "mash-ups" and mixes NIN with Kelly Clarkson and shit.
10. Liver damage!

That's all I can think of right now. Players Ball is tonight with The P-Funk All Stars. Got the Mothership connection at the convention!

-R

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

The Devil's Back Yard

Me and the Grrl are off to the porn convention. This is the big one in Vegas. It will be insane-er then ever before because this year they decided to have the online porn convention and the video porn convention/video awards at the same time. It will be complete chaos! You see, the online convention doesn't really draw fans, only industry people. The video convention and awards draw mainly fans that want autographs from girls that they have been jerking off to for the past year. Security is gunna be crazy and the parties are going to be really hard to get into, even for those with passes.

One thing that I'm really looking fwd to is that George Clinton and the P-Funk Allstars are headlining the Players Ball. That should be fun!

Anyway, I have to go finish packing. We are leaving soon.

-R

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