Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Sex Poll

I am writing a sex poll for our new product. Sex polls are all pretty much the same; "How many times a day do u let the cat lick creme brule off your vulva" Or for the men; "how many times can u have more then 2 fingers in your ass before you admit you are gay" (Both questions borrowed from Vogue's "Sex in 06 Poll").

So If you could ask millions of people (mostly men) some of the most personal sex questions, what would u ask?

Monday, March 27, 2006

Hot Or Not

This aspiring model wants us to shoot her. She isn't really my type, but few porn girls are. There is just something about her. She isn't classically attractive, but sometimes that's ok. What do u guys think, hot or not?


Thursday, March 23, 2006

Fashon Show Adventure

They rented out this really nice club, had an open bar (which we mercilessly and aggressively molested), had really great hors d'ouvres (which we conquered like an ultimate fighting battle royal), then the girls took the stage. Ya know that really hot girl from highschool that you always knew would grow up to be either a model or like a professional cheerleader or porn star, well she was fucking NOWHERE to be found. In her place were all these awkward and uncomfortable lame ugly girls. Don't even make me fag-out and talk about the clothes. They 1st came out in jeans, hoodies, and uggs (the LA uniform). No one needs to to have a fashon show that features that manner of dress, it's in every sheep store on Melrose. Cunts! Then came the swimsuits. Hidious and unflattering swimsuits revealing cottage cheese asses. The embarrassed and disgusted look on each model showed the audience that they wanted to be there even less then us. No ammount of free booze made it bearable, and we fucking really tried.

Now, on to the best part of the nite:

We dragged our drunken asses to the cheesy cowboy bar on the Sunset strip. We were sitting outside eating dinner and getting wasted-er and then we saw it:

This chick hit a motorcycle cop with her SUV!! She hit him hard enough to knock his ass to the ground and fuck up the bike, but not hard enough to hurt him. It was like being reimbursed from the karma bank for wasting my time at the fashon show. We watched as every cop in Hollywood came to increase the ridiculousness of the spectacle. If there were firebreathing midget clowns and juggling monkeys on unicycles, I would have shit myself dead in the greatest moment of awsomeness in the history of moments of awesomeness!


Sunday, March 19, 2006

Geekiest Weekend Ever!

Went to a Comic book and Toy convention on Sat. The toy part of it was kinda weak, very little vinyl, mostly plastic, mostly Starwars.
Picked up these guys called, "Blow Up Dolls"

I don't really read comics (except for Top 10 and Fables), so that part didn't interest me. The true gems that I found were bootleg DVDs (that were never released on DVD):
Decline of Western Civilization
and part 2, The Metal Years
metal years

Part 1, which I've never seen before, was pretty bad. It highlighted the Germs, Pre-Hank Black Flag, X, Fear, and Circle Jerks, which was cool. It also highlighted 2 other bands that were pretty weak (Catholic discipline and The Alice Bag Band). My beef is that She (Penelope Spheris, the Director) could have (and should have) highlighted any and all of the Cali punk scene. Punk was so interesting and tiny back then, they all hung out together at the same places and played in the same bands as each other. Where were The Misfits, Dead Kennedys, Bad Religion, TSOL, Minutemen, Descendants, Redd Cross, Social Distortion, hell, even the Pre-fame Go Gos? All those bands were around in one incarnation or another, but not shown. Also, there was a lack of interesting scensters to be interviewed. This is a beef with both of the Decline movies, Spheris interviewed idiotic stereotypes to make her movies more... shocking. Like, here is a sample of what the youth of today is like: stupid and angry, but with no purpose. I think that kids who are involved with such an intense subculture are searching for acceptance, searching for people that understand them, searching for an outlet for their frustrations from feeling like an alien in their homes and schools. All I'm saying is that Spheris could have interviewed some intelligent kids with mohawks and possibly done a service to the punk scene. Instead, I feel, she really exploited it and used all the people in it to make fun of them.

Part 2 was really the same deal, but with metal bands. I really felt like she should have put more importance on the music, the fans, and the lifestyle, rather then ask a couple of egomaniacs about how much pussy they get. The Metal Years really focused on misogyny and make-up. Yes, I know that was a part of it, but not the only and most interesting angle.

After we have launched Orgasm, maybe it'll be time for me to get some financial backers and do a music documentary of my own. Pffft.


Thursday, March 16, 2006

Straight Outta Lowcash!

1. A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they see a 10 year old boy coming the other way. The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "Let's fuck him." The rabbi responds, "Out of what?" (Who doesn't like anti-Semitic molestation humor?)

2. Really funny Xmen video: Juggernaut Bitch

3. My new favorite website: Softer World

4. When we aquire and license other people's pornographys to use on our websites, they must provide the required information to prove that all performers are over 18. This is proved by sending us photos of 2 forms of their IDs, usually with the performer holding them. Unfortunately, most of them are not as handsome as this one:
Mr. Handsome


Saturday, March 11, 2006

Goddamn I love Cereal!

So all I want to do is eat fucking cereal.

Cereal with vanilla soy milk is my new favorite food. I find myself wanting to have lots of small bowels of different kinds of cereals at once, like a tasting menu, because all cereal goes well together. Every time I go to the store, I pick up 3 different kinds of cereal, so we have an impressive # of boxes in our cabinets.

Here's what has been filling my mornings with fiber and sugar:

Special K Fruit And Yogurt.
Corn Pops
Mixed Berry Rice Krispys
Coco Krispys
Regular Rice Krispys
Strawberry Flavored Mini Wheats
Maple and Brown Sugar Flavored Mini Wheats
Corn Flakes

Seems as though I need to invent a pumpkin pie flavored cereal and a watermellon flavored cereal. Uh huh.

What is your favorite kind of cereal?

Friday, March 10, 2006

Lube Things Up

After not posting for a while, I'd like to "lube" things up a bit with a list.

1. After reciveving a Birthday present of what seems like 10000 new toys from the wonderful Grrl, we now officially have more toys then Magic Pony but not quite as many as Kid Robot in LA (but way more then Kid Robot SF, or so I hear).

2. I got an acoustic guitar! I took my 1st guitar lesson. I've been practicing a little every day. I KNOW POWER CHORDS! I WILL SHRED!

3. There is a crunchberry bush outside the Apt. The dog pees on it so I choose not to pick em and add them to different cereals.

4. Sun Kil Moon has an album of Modest Mouse covers that is nothing less then ethereal. It's called Tiny Cities. The singer (Mark Kozelek) also has a solo album of Bon Scott-era AC/DC cover songs called What's Next To The Moon. It's as close to Cuntry music as I'd like to get, which is to say, too close. However, it reminds me a bit of Neil Young. Download the song "Dramamine" off of Tiny Cities. DO IT!!!!!

5. An amazing band called The Elected have a new album called "Sun Sun Sun." The equation goes like this: Bright Eyes (if Conner had a "nice" voice and wasn't all sad and shit) + Decemberests + 1950's rock and roll +U2. Dig em!


Monday, March 06, 2006

Long Lost Leonard

1 month ago I found out that my grandfather (who has been dead for years) has a brother who is still alive.
1 day ago I met him. His name is Leonard and he is 86.
He is a sharp older gent that looks and sounds quite like my grandfather, which was really trippy. I also met some third cousins (Leonard's kids) that looked a lot like my dad, which means that they resemble me, I guess.
I envisioned that meeting "long lost" relatives would be instantly comforting, like a small piece of me was recovered. It wasn't. It was more like a family history lesson with a bunch of strangers that have similar large noses and eye wrinkles. I found out that my small family is actually really massive, which is kinda sad considering that no one knows each-other.
So now I have this fascination with researching my family tree. I'll let ya know if I find out anything interesting.


Tomorrow is my birthday. I'm gunna be 33. Rawk \m/!!!

Friday, March 03, 2006

Dad And Step Mom Are Here

Ummmm yeah. Eddie and Merle are here. That is all.

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