Wednesday, June 28, 2006


Every once in a while the respectable punk/indy rock music geek that I've become reverts back to less respectable Jew-froed highschool heavy metal rawk \\m// geek that I was/am. This is one of those times.

So watch as I now alienate everyone who reads my blog, except Matt.

Found the page that has downloadable mp3s of all of the Love/Hate albums (it won't let me hotlink them, for some reason. Cut and paste, you lazy fucker)-

Found lots of downloadable Love/Hate concerts @ -

Found mp3s of Skid's new band Devil Party Anthems, Inc.

Found a website that allows you to download live Metal shows in their entirety.

Oh yeah, check out Dr. Steel, he's handsome.

Here's my small rant about Metal:
It's funny how metal became kitsch in the past few years. Teen models in their ironic ripped and Bedazzled Iron Maiden shirts, The Darkness and everything about them, Scott Ian and Sebastian Bach starring in or hosting every VH1 program, David Lee Roth with his own radio show, Gene Simmons reality show, Operation Mindcrime 2, there's even a heavy metal joke band that sells out the Key Club every single monday.

Most genre's of music do not have big "ironic" resurgences, most don't have any kind of resurgence at all. Why metal? I think it's because music doesn't have and real rockstars anymore. The sad, self-loathing, millionaire musician is getting old and less believable. The shock rocker has lost his edge, because (thanks to the internet) we are pretty much unshockable. Now we pay $90 to see computerized lights, smoke, video projectors, and fire, while the band hides in the backgroud doing their mundane job of sounding as much like a recording as possible. It's my opinion that metal is on a resurgence because it reminds us that music used to involve showmanship, crazy costumes, and drama. You know, entertainment.


Sunday, June 25, 2006

Adventures in Pug Pudding

The words "too much information" are often used to describe personal (read: "gross") stuff that people really wanna hear, but feel guilty that they wanna hear it. Yes there are always exceptions. Some people don't wanna hear about the sloppy blowjob that you gave to that tranny hooker last night, but I sure the fuck do. Some people don't wanna hear about your irritable bowel accident in the swimming pool, I am not one of those people. Anal sex bloopers - bring em on. Blood in your urine - fascinating. You like to be shat upon - I'm a good listener. Your dog ate a used condom - text message me the details. Walked in on your parent's gangbang brunch - show me the hi-res pictures. What can I say, I'm an un-gross-out-able pornographer that finds the most intimate and disgustipating human and animal experiences extremely interesting.

So in that vein, I'm gunna tell you about all the glorious fun that's been coming outta my dog for the past 24 hours.

2:00 am Sunday - awoke to pug hummus on the carpet in the living room. I learned that the less u r wearing when u are dealing with feces, the more disgusting it is.

3:30 am - more of the same. This time I put on some clothes to clean the mess.

3:45 am - still plunging the paper towel-clogged toilet

5:00 am - Deja poo, except I need to find new clothes to wear, because, for some reason, I deem the clothes that I wore when I cleaned up the last batch unwearable due to the close poo proximity principle.

6:00 am - The pug decides to shit the bedroom floor instead of the living room. New clean clothes again. I have a headache.

7:30 am - The job is getting easier, becase he is "running on fumes" so to speak. I'm running out of poo cleaning clothes.

10:30 am - Wake up the Grrl, who has been sleeping soundly all night. She calls the vet, I call the hardware store to rent a carpet shampooer.

2:00 pm - The vet gave us special food and 2 kinds of medication. She also gave me a vial to capture some of the excrement for lab testing. We also went and picked up the rug shampoo Zamboni.

4:30 pm - More shit in the bedroom. It's a blessing in disguise because I needed to get the sample for the vet, and it's more convenient to get the sample locally then "in the wild." It was also less of an issue because I was already dressed and have the Zamboni poised and ready.

That pretty much brings us up to date. I'm on no sleep and have handled more poo then G.G. Allan at a Cinco De Mayo burito eating contest.

Here are my concerns (other then that I hope my dog is ok):
1. Why does the dog have a raging hard-on when he is pumping out the *PTS?
2. Will he stop shitting the floor long enough for me to return the Zamboni, then resume, forcing me to go out and rent it again?
3. Why do elevators have a "close door" button? It never increases the speed at which the door shuts. I think it's a placebo. I know it's a random thought that has nothing to do with the Pug, but it was on my mind.
4. Will I get to sleep tonight? If I do will me dreams be brown and runny?


*PTS = pencil-thin stream

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Magic Castle Of Drunkenness

Went to the Magic Castle this weekend. The Magic Castle is a restaurant/bar (actually 3 bars)/magic school/hotel/performence venue. Apparently it is the holy land for any serious magician. You can't get in unless u know a magician who is a member, and, for some reason there is a shitty strict dress code (suit+tie). The entranceway has a sliding bookcase door that only opens when u say, "open sesame." We ate dinner in the private Houdini Seance Room which was lined with Houdini paraphernalia such as straight jackets and shackles (1890's bondage gear lol). We didn't channel his spirit in the seance room, but I did channel a surprisingly tasty salmon steak and many a Guinness.

Other highlights include:
A great magic and comedy show with some seriously talented magic motherfuckers.
A ghost piano that plays "any" song that u say out loud (which we, of course, stumped).
A W.C. Fields-themed burbon bar that boasts the largest bourbon selection in LA.
Urinals that make your dick look 10 inches long!

I am gunna take some magic classes there so I can incorporate some cool magic into my fire eating repertoire (plus I'll be able to take my friends to the castle whenever I want). It's a really fun place to hang out if you are into geeky magic stuff. For me, the geekier the better.


(btw, I made up the thing about the magic urinal making your dick look huge)

Monday, June 05, 2006

This May Be A Bit Cheese-afied. But Please Play Along.

Just wondering; what are your top 5 desert island disks? (ya know, stranded on an island with a cd player, only have 5 cds with you)

For me, this answer changes constantly. So another way of asking this question is; According to how u are feeling at this moment, what are your top 5 desert island disks. If that helps at all.

Here are some rules:
You can only pick 5. Double (and triple) albums can count as 1 disk if they are released and packaged together. No box sets. Disks that come with a bonus disk as part of the inner packaging also count as only 1, however, if it's stuck to the outside of the shrink-wrap it counts as 2 separate disks.

here are mine:

Sunny Day Real Estate - Diary
Posies - Frosting On The Beater
Tori Amos - Choirgirl Hotel
Pink Floyd-Animals
Tool - Aenima

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Quick Thought

Can u think of any cartoon whose characters put on different clothes every day?

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