Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I'm Upgrading The Dog

I've been reading a lot about Biomechanics. Contrary to popular belief, it's quite simple. They throw in a bunch of scientific jargon in order to make it seem more cerebral, but in reality it's more like putting together one of those Visible Man models - you follow the easy directions and it turns out fine.

I found the "Make Your Own Bionic Dog" directions on the internet. 14 easy steps and your dog will be better than he was before, Stronger, Faster, etc....

Step 1 is installing a zipper. The zipper will allow easy access to exchange organs with gears and electronics and such (which are unfortunately on backorder from Amazon.com). So last night the Grrl and I put in the zipper (pictured below). She thinks I did a sloppy job, but I think I did pretty well for my 1st crack at surgery. We'll see who's sloppy when Crispin is fighting crime and flying and shit.


Step 2 involves replacing his right lung with something..., but the website with the directions was down so the page went 404 (page not found). I may just wing it and throw in some of the cool parts that I ordered, if Amazon ever gets their shit together and sends em. Until then I'll prolly just stuff some poo bags and maybe a spare lighter and my ipod up in there, purely for convenience. I'll keep u posted as to when the bionic parts arrive.


If any of you have any good ideas for cool stuff for me to install in the dog, pls let me know.


Blogger xtx said...

poo bags!

8:42 PM  
Blogger Meat O' Benito said...

It's a good thing he's got all that extra skin for easy seam-making. Maybe some strategically placed pleats would stream-line his figure for an overall leaner appearance.

5:28 AM  
Blogger kalipornia said...


11:57 AM  
Blogger min_o said...

diesel V8 engine, stereo with subwoofers, with vaccuum/lawnmower attachments.

i hope your pup feels better soon!

8:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you know how fucking hard it was to find you? call me... it is the same number.

Meg k

10:57 PM  
Anonymous jimh said...

A retractable leash. But high tensile strength cable, with maybe some sort of grappling hook attachment. Then he'll be able to swing in from fire escapes and stuff, surprising criminals and bitches.

10:12 PM  
Blogger Nate James said...

i want a zipper...

12:23 PM  

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